My top 5 gifts for “Girls”

See if you can spot the irony of this list!

1. A retro “treatball”

“A sensor on the machine releases a handful of treats”.  That’s right ladies! A machine for us, in pink that gives us a treat.  So if you have been a wonderful wife and fulfilling mother, your beloved may allow you a treat at the end of the day.  It is “adorable” just like you! Did I mention that it is touch sensitive, so we don’t have to worry our little minds about how to work it.  Thank goodness! And the name! It does sound a bit like something you might give a pet….a “treat ball”.

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/gift-retro/treatball-small-pink/10594494.html

2. Hetty Hoover Desk Vacuum

It’s a hoover AND it is pink! My two favourite things combined.  Now those naughty biscuits that I sneakily eat at my desk can be crumbly as they like!  I can now simply whip out my hetty (and as a lesbian I don’t usually go in for hetty’s) and it can “guzzle away” my “dust and crumbs”.  How utterly fabulous.

http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/gift-gadgets/hetty-hoover-desk-vacuum/10065141.html

3. Glamour Puss Shower Cap

MEOW! I will be a right little “glamour puss” in this number.  Did you know it “keeps your hair dry”?? Silly little me just thought it was so I could look pretty in the shower! So it is stylish and practical! And it comes in leopard print too! <squeeeee>

And the website is called “presentsformen”…how apt!

http://www.presentsformen.co.uk/glamour-puss-shower-cap-multi-coloured-spots-prod6178/

4. Blow Monkey Nail Dryer

Get out!!! This is just totally amazing.  ”The funky monkey that blows your nails dry so you don’t have to”!!  It is “indispensable”.  He is so small you can take him anywhere.  All these years I have been sitting down and waiting on my nails to dry, when the whole time I could have better used my time! This is perfect for “glamorous girls, party princesses and fabulous fashionistas”…what about luscious lesbians?  I could have used the monkey for a quick blow job then havee a whip around the keyboard with hetty!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Disaster-Designs-Blow-Monkey-Dryer/dp/B001F14WIO

5. Notebook

We all need a notebook right? We can’t keep ALL of our information in our heads like menfolk.  So, here is the ideal gift for you. On the cover of this notebook it says “I’m going to marry into money and this is my plan..”  Genius or what? I don’t need a job after all! I just need to marry into money.  I am getting my daughter one for Christmas too.  And she wanted to be a vet! Silly girl.

http://www.giftsfromhandpicked.com/gift-ideas-for-women/i2-little-boys-im-going-to-marry-into-money-notebook.html

The real, and sad irony from this post is that I never even did a search for sexist or silly gifts.  I just searched for gifts for girls/women and this is the sort of thing on offer.  Even sadder is that people are obviously buying this sexist tat! Come on ladies and gentlemen! This is ridiculous! The “let toys be toys” campaign is brilliant.  Think we can do a similar one for grown ups? This is not just sexist towards women, but men too.  If you do a similar search for men, you get similar sexist tat.  We are all people, we all have different traits.  Gender should not decide our shopping habits now should it?!

“Fit” the Car Just For “Girls”

At last!! A car just for women! Now I have somewhere to keep my Bic pens for women and my  Floral Kiss laptop from Fujitsu.  I kid you not.  We now have a laptop that is just for us! I feel so lucky! You can buy it in “feminine pink”.  The fools, as if there is any other kind of pink!  The laptop is “elegant and refined” thank god, I need to be refined. You will also be pleased to know the mouse has been designed to “fit easily” in our hands.  We must be dainty.  All this time I have been using two hands to control that big man mouse.

Not only that, the Floral Kiss is FILLED with pre-load features we must need.  Like a Scrapbook, diary and horoscopes.  Without these I would be lost.  I mean if my diary doesn’t tell me I need to scrapbook, what would I do with my time? And the horoscope tells you what you will do today and tomorrow! I read tomorrows, it told me that I would be “taking a trip”. Wooo I thought.  Little did I know it meant a trip back to the 1950′s.

Full details here in case you want one for christmas! http://www.fujitsu.com/global/news/pr/archives/month/2012/20121019-03.html

Now onto the spectacular car! The “She’s” car is marketed as “adult cute”.  Oh yes it is.

It gets better ladies.  Did you know the car comes with a windshield that protects from wrinkles? How amazing! I need protection from that evil sun! I always look haggard when I am driving, but now I will regain my youth!  It also has “plasma cluster” air conditioning to further improve my skin! Thank you to all the men out there designing these cars who care so much about my appearance.

It has pink stitching on its interior, pink bezels(thats the surround around your air conditioning girls, incase you were to busy painting your nails there).  It is all in the detail. Even the badge “She’s” has a heart as the apostrophe. Is pink not your colour? Don’t worry! The car will also come in a brown and white to match you eyeshadow.  And the laptop comes in brown and white too, so you can match your whole ensemble! Thank goodness.

I bet the next model comes with a GPS system…you know, in case we get lost.  We are only women after all.  Maybe we will drive better now too.  We all know men are better drivers after all!….oh wait…..

A Christmas List

Soooo at last.  December.  All those months of watching Easter start in January and Halloween start in June.  Christmas started in August, but us real people can actually start enjoying it a bit now.  The coke advert is on TV, so it must be official.  Not to mention the endless adverts ensuring that EVERY woman knows her place over the festive period.  Thank you tesco and asda…for without you I would have sat on my arse and enjoyed Christmas day.  Without you I would not have known I need to do ALL the Christmas preparation.  Shopping, cooking, cleaning, entertaining and looking after my (theoretical) husband.  Without you I would have sat down for five minutes! That would have been a disaster.  And with that in mind, I have written the top 5 things to do/not do this Chrismas.  Enjoy!

1. Pick your gifts wisely.

Whoever you are buying for, make sure they would actaully like it.  Buying your Mother in Law a self help book does not go down well, no matter how good your intentions.  Trust me, she will not appreciate it.  The back up plan exercise DVD did not go down to well either.

2. Get acting lessons.

If you, like me, have a big family Christmas ahead, all opening gifts together on the Big Day, you will need to be ready to get into “happy” character mode at a moments notice.  As you eagerly await that present from your lovely mum.  After months of “wait until you see what I have got you” and “its just so ‘you’”, I was excited.  This woman gave birth to me, she knows me far better than most right? You would think…So you unwrap your gift, not sure what it is, but having been promised how “wonderful” it is, the excitement is building.  You peel off the ribbon, the paper, open the box and……its a saucepan.  Thanks mum.  But the acting lesson pay off as I appear so grateful! Money well spent.

3. The office party.

To go or not to go.  Its a bit of a hit or miss really. If you do go, do not get to drunk.  You will likely say something inappropriate to your boss or colleagues.  Avoid the photocopier.  No matter how great your ass looks, it will not look so great in the morning. Stay away from cupboards.  There is probably something going on in there that you don’t need to know about.  Thankfully I work from home, so my office party is 1 guest,  6 mince pies and a bottle of wine.

4. Drink…

…and probably get drunk.  I start pretty early.  Its a tradition to have a glass of champagne first thing as the kids rip into the presents. You enjoy watching them with bubbles in hand.  It just adds to the joy.  But then you hit 12pm, realise you are two bottles of Moet down, and accusing your sister of secretly drinking them,whilst stumbling to the kitchen.  Dinner is on, and by this point the southern comfort bottle looks a bit depleted.  Is it just you, or is this the BEST Christmas ever? Christmas lunch goes without a hitch, which is just as well as the port is now open.

5. The Christmas let down.

The day ends and that is it.  Months of planning, buying and preparation all over and done.  You get little thanks because Santa is the really wonderful one.  You get a 6pm hangover from all the earlier drinking and you have thrown up in the saucepan your mother bought you.  On the plus side, everyone has had a great meal, a lovely day together(apart from the arguments) and that’s it until next year.

Did I miss anything? Feel free to add to the list by commenting below!

Everyday sexism…Everyday!

I am a recently self discovered feminist.  And as soon as I looked at the world the way it actually is, I saw that it is filled with sexism every single day.  From adverts (yes asda right now I am talking to you), to just chatting to people in general, women are very much treated like second class citizens.  I am yet to go a day where I see absolute equality.  I watch people I know make excuses for why their husbands don’t help around the house i.e. “it is just quicker if I do it myself”,well he is hardly going to argue is he? Although he should argue. He should know he has to do half of everything.  

Feminisim is often mistaken as a battle women face.  It isn’t.  It is a battle society faces.  If men have an air of superiority or believe it is “womens’ work” then they have as much changing to do as the women who “justify” and enable them.

Everday we hear about a “single mother” or a “girl at work”.  Where are the men in the case of single mothers? Why do they get of the proverbial media hook? And “girls”? Please.  I stopped being a girl at 16, when legally I became a woman. I am capable of anything I want to do.  A friend told me the other day that she “plays the silly girl card” to make her husband do things. WHY!! Why would you do this? Can you actually not do something, or just ask for help?  Why do gender roles still exist? It is not a “mans job” to  change plugs and cut grass or a “womens work” in the home and all things child related.  

I live with a woman.  We each have very different life skills and we both do everything in the house together. If I don’t know how to do something and she does, I just ask her.  I don’t think of it as her “job” because we each have the capacity to learn more.

Sexism has become so normalised, I really believe most people do not see it.  Things like being whistled at by a man, and thinking you should feel flattered. Or people assuming a male co-worker is your boss.  Normal does not equal right.  It is certainly not equal.

The scary thing is that it doesn’t just happen to grown women.  Men toot their horns at school girls.  These are children and some men think that makes them fair game to harass.  Well, hey, she was wearing a short skirt, so she must want the attention right? WRONG.  No one has the right to harass someone because of the clothes they wear.  What it does achieve is letting young girls know how society as a whole values them, it keeps them in their “place”.  Women should fear men, they have ‘rights” over us.  I wish I could say it was wrong to say this.  But the figures speak for themselves in terms of rape convictions and domestic abuse.  The law favours men over women.  And it is reinforced every day.  This attitude that we should just accept it.  Women “need” to be validated by men. Of course we need to change this, and we cannot change it by standing still.

All these small things add up to one big picture.  That men earn on average 10% more than women in a similar job, that men outnumber women in most jobs.  Why we see more men in senior positions to women, that men think it is acceptable to talk to your cleavage.  A lot of small things make a big thing.  And everyday sexism IS a big deal, so lets change it.

Check out www.everydaysexism.com for more stories of women and what they face every day.  If you think it doesn’t happen to you,read these stories and see if you change your mind.

I took the photo as week 3 of my 52 project.  I thought it was/is relevant as we seem to be in a constant struggle for equality.  And we are in it together, and need to help each other out.

LGBT History Month

So it is LGBT history month in February next year. But they have recently had a pre launch at Bletchly Park (see here http://lgbthistorymonth.org.uk/history/lgbt-history-month-2013-pre-launch-at-bletchley-park-filmed-by-the-dobbinator) This may not seem important to some people.  But as a lesbian, I think it is very important.  I think it is important that we teach everyone history as a whole, and LGBT history is as important is any other part of history.  I also think that teaching it in schools will help reduce discrimination that LGBT pupils face.  It is all relevant.

In knowledge is power. The more we know, the better we understand.  The better we understand, the better we teach.  The better we teach, the better we learn and so it continues.  Someone I am in awe of (and wish we had one of in every school) is Elly Barnes.  Elly works in schools promoting LGBT equality and offers teachers LGBT training.  She says that:

“‘February’s LGBT History Month is an incredibly effective vehicle through which to educate our learners at all key stages about the achievements of LGBT people both living and dead. The celebration not only acknowledges and highlights LGBT people, it also provides schools with an inclusive LGBT curriculum which enlightens our communities thus creating an environment where young people and teachers can be who they want to be”.

For more about Elly and her work see http://www.ellybarnes.com/.

Being gay is never something you can say is “easy”.  But is is becoming more accepted, thanks to things like LGBT history month and the brilliant work Stonewall do.  Being a gay teenager must be even harder.  With phrases like “thats so gay” being thrown around like a balloon, discrimination is still rife.  One mum once told me she would’t tell her daughter off for calling someone “gay” as an insult because “she only means it in jest”.  I told her it was not funny, but offensive.  She had the balls to be annoyed at me.

It is like everyday sexism.  Everyday homophobia exists right up there with it and  everyday racism.  People think it is ok to remark about colour, gender, sexuality or anything else they deem “amusing”.  When we stop being the butt of jokes, we will have made real progress.  Until then we will keep promoting feminism, lgbt pride and equality.  The key is in educating children now, today.

And I am now getting off my soap box.

Are we born gay?

Well here is my second photo in my 52 week project! It is my attempt to make it look like someone clinging on.  It needs to be better, but this is why I am an amateur and not a professional.

So to my title, are we born gay?… I read this article http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/nov/20/is-there-a-gay-gene?CMP=twt_gu

Where both Julie Bindel and Paul Burston put forth both sides of the same coin.  I am gay. And whilst there may be no gene found that is to “make” me that way, I do believe I was born this way.

Bindel says that this is an “odd” thing to say.  I don’t think being born any way should be described as “odd”.  She then says “Few of us have any memory before the age of two, and babies are not sexual beings.”  This is very true, no child is a sexual being.  Gay or straight.  But if you are born into one orientation and not the other, then you can be gay or straight.  Sexual orientation is not about sex after all is it.  It is about us.  It is deeper than who we sleep with, which is why I think people would take issue with being told we choose, or have a choice in whether we are gay or not.

The article then goes on to refer to “sexual preference”.  I can say hand on heart, it is not a preference(for me at least).  Maybe for some it is, and I support that.  I do know “lesbians” who have ended up married to men.  So they must have had a sexual preference.  In my younger days, I dated men.  This as not my choice, it was society.  I lived in a small town and did what was “normal” to everyone else.  I wanted to ask my best mate out, this was what my mind and body was telling me.  I can’t say i preferred a female over a male, I was drawn to women.  It was more than my mind making a decision.  I may be over thinking Julie’s choice of words here and am prepared to be corrected.  I like a good debate!

“The more we break down the taboos of same-sex relationships, the more people are opting for it”.  Are we really “opting” for it though? Or is the breaking down of taboos just making it easier to come out?  Coming out now is much more accepted than when I did it thats for sure.  I see gay people openly and rightly, showing affection, this rarely happened outside of gay clubs when I was younger.  I am not a dinosaur, but things have changed lots in the last 15 years.

I think Julie has a point, in that there may not be a gay gene.  I mean if there is no heterosexual gene, why should there be a gay one? We do not need a gene to “explain” us.  We do not need it to be a choice or preference either.  Why do we even need a label? Some people sleep with men, some with women, some with both, some with none.  Its the ones sleeping with animals we need to watch out for.

We need positive steps to show that whoever we sleep with, there is no “normal” and personally, I think by throwing it out there that it is a choice, will add fuel to the fire of certain groups.  Aversion therapy is rife and although Bindel says “We can be against homophobic aversion therapy and STILL argue against a gay gene.” and is right, it still seems like two steps forward and one step back.  I don’t think we need a “reason” to be who we are, gay or straight.  I don’t want “sympathy” for being gay, as bindel implies hunting a gay gene gives us.

I don’t want or need permission or sympathy or even a gene to be gay.  I just am who I am.  I am a woman and I want equality.  I didn’t chose to be a woman, like I did not chose to be gay.  But I am happy with it!

Anyway, thanks to Julie for a very good food for thought article over my morning tea.

52 weeks

Now I was going to try and keep this blog all about “important” things.  But then I realised it is my blog.  And since I have not got a huge following (as yet) it is OK to sometimes just write.

I am a very amateur photographer, and so love taking random shots of people, things and so on.  I was going to do the 365 project which involves taking a photo a day for a year.  This is far to much for me to do, so I am doing a 52 week one.  Where I will post a photo I have taken and use it in a blog post.

I am sure you are aware of the story of Savita Halappanavar, from Ireland.  It has done the rounds in news this week.  It is a tragic and horrific story in equal measure.  It highlights Ireland’s law (or lack thereof) on abortion.  Savita was 17 weeks pregnant, and died from blood poisoning.  Doctors had confirmed she was having a miscarriage, and over the course of the following three days, ignored her and her husbands requests to abort the pregnancy.  Savita is said to have been in more and more agony, but as doctors detected a foetal heartbeat, they say they couldn’t carry out an abortion.

This story makes me sad, angry and wondering where common sense has gone.  I am not religious at all, and respect any-ones right to their beliefs.  But in 2012, I believe that religion should play NO part in law.  It should play no part in a woman’s body.  It is her body, her womb, her life and most of all, her mind! We are capable of coming to a decision about our own bodies.  No doctor should have the right to deny a woman an abortion on any grounds, but especially in this case.  The mother could have been saved, the baby could not.   So why did this happen?  Sadly we know why, it is because it goes against catholic beliefs.  She was not catholic.  This was not her belief.  She died on the name of a religion that held no importance to her.  It is so sad.

This brings me to my photo.  I had seen  the image elsewhere and i thought it quite powerful.  It seems fitting to this blog.  An egg shell, like life, is fragile.  The tally marks, a little like you would find in a prison cell.  Like the many woman who seem to have to face a pregnancy they do not want to carry(for whatever reason), it must seem like a prison sentence.  If only the medical term “confinement” wasn’t so fitting in some cases.  So I had an egg, and I recreated the image.